Heart Update

Published Friday, 25 May 2012 by Sydney Sunny

Sorry for the recent lack of posts! I have had more adventures but I am so tired that I haven’t written about them yet!

Also, it is hard for me to find heart. I write my blog for me to remember my adventure and share my pictures. So, I hate to write too much boring stuff about my heart, but my heart is troubled by where I am. I have only a month left in France. I cannot believe it. I have grown and changed ( fatter and wiser). Believe it or not, I am not as shy as I use to be, but I am still the shy girl on the street.

My pink shoes are too much for most people in Amiens.


Here is my trouble:
A few days ago, I was showing my friend around Amiens. I group of younger kids asked us for a smoke as they yelled and laughed at us. Then the girl had the nerve to tell me that she disapproved of my outfit. She disliked my pink plaid skirt, but she thought my piink shoe would look great in a black dress. My friend and I were shocked. We walked away to the cathedral talking it over. I couldn’t believe what just happened to me. Just the other day a boy came up to me asking if I wanted to have a “coffee date”, and I was wearing the same skirt.

In Amiens I’ve never felt comfortable wearing color. I learned this very soon. But, even in my darker colors, people point me out. One of my first days in Amiens, boys called out to me, “Moche! Moche!” Which I understand, it is the word for “ugly”.

When I went to teach at a middle school, I made the mistake to wear a pink sweater. I thought nothing of it. The teacher thought I looked very young, and the students were a bit shocked by my color choice. Afterwards, I often wore my black sweater and skirts.

My only relief was in the winter. I had a huge black coat that hid all of my colors and frills. When I had to walk to the Paris train to go to a lolita event, I never worried. I always was cover with just my cute, bright pink shoes sticking out.

My favorite pink dress is spending many wonderful days in Paris but not in Amiens.

Now, it is summer and my hiding has come to an end. I once walked to the station to find a group taking pictures of me with a laugh and others asking rude questions.

So, I adapted. I never wear color in Amiens anymore. In Paris, I am comfortable. The people never mind if I am a rainbow or night sky. But Amiens is a small town with the limited view on fashion as colorless. I have see people with colors, but they are often not pink.
I end up spending my days inside, eating junk food, and my window open. See, no matter how hard I try, I am always picked out in the crowd. I’ve worn long skirts, short skirts, black, white, colors, gray, makeup,  and no makeup, and I am always pointed out. I am pointed out by watching eyes, men yelling to be my boyfriend, honking horns, or given fashion tips by strangers (that is only once).
I’m tired of  it. Worn out.
I just want to be “normal” for a day. But, this is the price I pay for being foreign. I do not look local – even if I wore all H&M or ZARA clothing. I am tall, and I am blond. I am easy to spot and easier to trick once they know I’m English.

However, the interesting side is, I’ve met a lot of nice people in Amiens. They are helpful and kind to me. These people, I imagine, are more traveled and cultured then the average Amiens local. I have not ever regretted living in France for a year. I have had my share of fun and wonderful people! Which trumps all the snobby people who gave me grief. I know people from every corner of the world, friends, dear ones.

Ah, Paris!
Paris is a different story. People are happy to see me. A family once asked if they could take a picture of me with their daughter. People smile and are happy to see me. There are friends and stores and parties. Honesty, when I return to Amiens, I am a bit sad. I walk by the cathedral to cheer me up, but it is a long walk back to where I live.

I have one more month in Amiens. I will be happy to bid the rude and dull people “a dieu”. I will be sad to leave the wonderful cathedral and roads I’ve come to know, but that is part of the leaving. I leave for the good and for the bad. Then, I will spend a few blissful days in Paris with my dear friends.
I don’t know how much I’ve changed. I have to be ready for my hard road ahead of return home in the USA.

So as you can see, I’ve go a lot on my emotion radar. I am stressed about my return, packing cleaning, people yelling at me, trains, and money. I am trying to enjoy my last bit of France even in the worries and stress.

I like to draw girls in lolita or cute outfits. I put a lot of detail in their outfits as if I was going to wear it. This is called “Sunny Doodle“.

To be busy:

So, I have some movies to watch: Gone with the WindDaVinci CodeSecret Book of Kells, and Persepolis.
Also, YouTube Channel: “Eat Your Kimchi
Also, the K-drama: Queen In Hyun’s Man
 Also, read: Elinor Jones, L’infirmerie Apres les Cours, Harry Potter, and Monet
Also, blogging here and with Totoro.
Also, drawing.

This was a wonderful day! All of my dear friends together for some deco-den in Paris. I have had so many happy, sunny days!

Most important, I have a “rendez-vous” at a lolita picnic – “Pique Nique et Tombola anniversaire des associations Rouge Dentelle & Rose Ruban et du Chemin de Briques Roses pour leurs 3 ans“. I am so excited to be part of a French community! I fully support Rouge Dentelle & Rose Ruban! I will continue to support them when I return to the USA. Because, it is with the fashion, the color, and love (that I am laughed at in Amiens) is how I made friends who have so much love.

What do you do when people do not like who you are? even if you try to be “normal” and they still continue?
Do you like to watch movies, read books, or draw to feel better?


5 comments on “Heart Update

  • Oooh Sydney >.<
    I'm sad to hear people in Amiens are so stupid and mean with you!
    Personally, I've never had any problem in my city or in Paris, but I know that many many lolita have to face unpleasant comments… That's why I'm not often wearing bright colors, and keep my lolita clothes for rare occasions. I just couldn't face it. Why couldn't a person wear what they love? It's not offending nor hurting anyone… I can't understand that.
    Anyway, don't pay attention to them, you're a wonderful lolita, and people who cannot see that are just lame.
    I'm looking forward to seeing you on monday ❤ ❤

    • Yes, it is quite annoying! Everytime I go out in “normal” or “muggle” clothes I am often looked at or men talk to me… creep. The fashion is hard for me to understand because normal for me is not normal in Amiens/ France. I just had a white T-shirt and a jean skirt and people were going crazy. I never go comments with that skirt before. -_- It isn’t that short… I’ve seen some many people with shorter.
      I wish I could wear my lolita things all the time, but I limit them to special events. On Sunday, I’ll put my pink jsk on in the train… over my “normal” looking blouse. I am just of it. I can not wait to see you Monday too! ❤ ❤ ❤ Much love! Bisous!

  • In France a lot of people are so backbiter 😦 Sometimes, even your own family does not understand that you love Lolita! This is not my case thankfully! When we went in Dives/mer, I found that people were nice with us! But, for example, when we went to “Pere Lachaise” with Solene, 7 young people laughed to us. But, I don’t listen… I don’t care! And after, we saw just 2 of this band, they did not dare look up. Ah Ah !
    It’s true that’s it’s more difficult when i am alone… but now, i take my mp3. 🙂

    • Yes, it is hard for others to understand… -_- But sometimes I wear “normal” clothes and people will yell at me going to the grocery store.
      I always have my iPod with me to listen to music. It is nicer. ^_^
      Power is in numbers…. ❤
      Stay brave!! 🙂

  • Sydney,

    I am so shocked and SAD after reading your last bit about Amiens…

    so many bright stories before that last bit, about Versailles and Paris and Disneyland…and FRIENDSHIP!!!
    When I was leaving, I knew you would find news friends, and would do well without me…and still my heart was aching at the thought that I was leaving you without any support…I mean you helped me so much in Amiens, and I couldn’t help and support you in return after my leaving…:( Frankly, without you, without your support my stay in Amiens would be totally different, much gloomier, much more lonely…my goodness, if I am now asked how my stay in France was, and I reply, ‘Fantastic’, that’s just thanks to you…50% AT LEAST, really…I will never forget our time together, I hope we’ll see each other next year in St Petersburg…You’re a wonderful friend, and person, so strong, so independent, and yet so delicate…like a true lady…:):):)

    Anyway, I tell you what, I know the feeling of being pointed out at, of being mocked at…I was just like that at my secondary school…it’s psychologically exhausting, and discouraging, and…traumatic…gosh, I had a better opinion about the French…where is their tolerance towards others, and their democratic values, and what not? I wish I were with you during such awful moments…Believe me, I would find the right words for those who insulted you…I am almost enraged…I would tell them that they are simply swines with limited mental capacities…cultured people don’t behave like that…it’s rude, but that just shows how limited and stupid those people are…they will never understand the beauty of getting to know different cultures, different people, of travelling…I feel even a bit sorry for them!!!

    I just hope it won’t happen to you in the future, and that on your return to the U.S. you will quickly leave this experience behind, remembering only about your adventures, and friends…Your friends are always with you!!


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