Sorry for the recent lack of posts! I have had more adventures but I am so tired that I haven’t written about them yet!
Also, it is hard for me to find heart. I write my blog for me to remember my adventure and share my pictures. So, I hate to write too much boring stuff about my heart, but my heart is troubled by where I am. I have only a month left in France. I cannot believe it. I have grown and changed ( fatter and wiser). Believe it or not, I am not as shy as I use to be, but I am still the shy girl on the street.
Here is my trouble:
A few days ago, I was showing my friend around Amiens. I group of younger kids asked us for a smoke as they yelled and laughed at us. Then the girl had the nerve to tell me that she disapproved of my outfit. She disliked my pink plaid skirt, but she thought my piink shoe would look great in a black dress. My friend and I were shocked. We walked away to the cathedral talking it over. I couldn’t believe what just happened to me. Just the other day a boy came up to me asking if I wanted to have a “coffee date”, and I was wearing the same skirt.
In Amiens I’ve never felt comfortable wearing color. I learned this very soon. But, even in my darker colors, people point me out. One of my first days in Amiens, boys called out to me, “Moche! Moche!” Which I understand, it is the word for “ugly”.
When I went to teach at a middle school, I made the mistake to wear a pink sweater. I thought nothing of it. The teacher thought I looked very young, and the students were a bit shocked by my color choice. Afterwards, I often wore my black sweater and skirts.
My only relief was in the winter. I had a huge black coat that hid all of my colors and frills. When I had to walk to the Paris train to go to a lolita event, I never worried. I always was cover with just my cute, bright pink shoes sticking out.
Now, it is summer and my hiding has come to an end. I once walked to the station to find a group taking pictures of me with a laugh and others asking rude questions.
So, I adapted. I never wear color in Amiens anymore. In Paris, I am comfortable. The people never mind if I am a rainbow or night sky. But Amiens is a small town with the limited view on fashion as colorless. I have see people with colors, but they are often not pink.
I end up spending my days inside, eating junk food, and my window open. See, no matter how hard I try, I am always picked out in the crowd. I’ve worn long skirts, short skirts, black, white, colors, gray, makeup, and no makeup, and I am always pointed out. I am pointed out by watching eyes, men yelling to be my boyfriend, honking horns, or given fashion tips by strangers (that is only once).
I’m tired of it. Worn out.
I just want to be “normal” for a day. But, this is the price I pay for being foreign. I do not look local – even if I wore all H&M or ZARA clothing. I am tall, and I am blond. I am easy to spot and easier to trick once they know I’m English.
However, the interesting side is, I’ve met a lot of nice people in Amiens. They are helpful and kind to me. These people, I imagine, are more traveled and cultured then the average Amiens local. I have not ever regretted living in France for a year. I have had my share of fun and wonderful people! Which trumps all the snobby people who gave me grief. I know people from every corner of the world, friends, dear ones.
Paris is a different story. People are happy to see me. A family once asked if they could take a picture of me with their daughter. People smile and are happy to see me. There are friends and stores and parties. Honesty, when I return to Amiens, I am a bit sad. I walk by the cathedral to cheer me up, but it is a long walk back to where I live.
I have one more month in Amiens. I will be happy to bid the rude and dull people “a dieu”. I will be sad to leave the wonderful cathedral and roads I’ve come to know, but that is part of the leaving. I leave for the good and for the bad. Then, I will spend a few blissful days in Paris with my dear friends.
I don’t know how much I’ve changed. I have to be ready for my hard road ahead of return home in the USA.
So as you can see, I’ve go a lot on my emotion radar. I am stressed about my return, packing cleaning, people yelling at me, trains, and money. I am trying to enjoy my last bit of France even in the worries and stress.
To be busy:
So, I have some movies to watch: Gone with the Wind, DaVinci Code, Secret Book of Kells, and Persepolis.
Also, YouTube Channel: “Eat Your Kimchi”
Also, the K-drama: Queen In Hyun’s Man
Also, read: Elinor Jones, L’infirmerie Apres les Cours, Harry Potter, and Monet
Also, blogging here and with Totoro.
Most important, I have a “rendez-vous” at a lolita picnic – “Pique Nique et Tombola anniversaire des associations Rouge Dentelle & Rose Ruban et du Chemin de Briques Roses pour leurs 3 ans“. I am so excited to be part of a French community! I fully support Rouge Dentelle & Rose Ruban! I will continue to support them when I return to the USA. Because, it is with the fashion, the color, and love (that I am laughed at in Amiens) is how I made friends who have so much love.
What do you do when people do not like who you are? even if you try to be “normal” and they still continue?
Do you like to watch movies, read books, or draw to feel better?